birthday present

Today is my birthday, yet about 3 hours ago i just did CPR to one of my patients in ICU who fast deteriorated and need extubation.

I prepared ett, then stand by for cpr. i removed the id tag on my collar, totally forgot i wore a totally wrong tees inside with huge neck to begin with. baaaaaaaabun betul. and all the while i did cpr, securing the ett, bending next to the young anaesthetist without realising that.

total deep shit.

what a birthday T-T

and some more, none of my besty wish for my birthday. and only got one stranger instead wish for it. a single stranger. double sadness

First love

Years back, I found someone who I used to believe was my soulmate. Whom I started to love, to cherish. But just as much I started to adore him, I keep stepping back with insecurity running deep.

It was like some push & pull situation. Like he love me, he love me not & i love him, i love him not. We cannot make it right, we cannot make it real. Like we have a great chemistry but a mismatch. We shared our dream towards future, but forever we cannot walk it through together.

Guess he was.

My first love - ABC

Until now I never able to let anyone touch my heart. But i can never regret. If it is not our destiny to be together then let it be, that must have been the best for us. Did missing him sometimes, eventhough we never be a lover. May he always in Allah's grace & protection. Amin...

# frankly speak, it's not even being a year i started to work but i felt as if i'm dying alone like this. As a spinster at 25 years old this year. Haha.