Has anyone ever grabbed you by the collar before?

Something quite unbelievable happened this morning.

It was very common to hear of nurses being scolded by doctor. That's what I seen many times before when I attached as a student nurse in various hospitals. I'm sure everyone out there must have heard about things like this too. But does anyone ever heard a doctor grab a nurse by her neck before? Uh... It was actually sort of happening to me this morning.

I'm a trainee, newly attached at the ICU in one of the local private hospitals. I've been tagged with a senior nurse and taking care of a ventilated patient. She went to the pantry for a while when a neurosurgeon happened to come to examine this patient. I inferiorly felt a bit incompetent yet to assist and answer the details about the patient progress alone to a specialist like him so that I wanted to go call my senior first. Then the neurosurgeon get upset maybe, but still have a smiling face. He was already in the patient's room that time while I was standing outside.

When I came back with my senior, he stepped outside, came to the door grabbing my sleeve and dragged me closer facing him. I was shocked and scared as if he was grabbing my collar. And that's how I REALLY felt.

"Are you a trainee? Are you new?" he asked me in a calm voice and smiling eyes, but not letting go of my sleeve. I nodded politely and answered him, my heart felt as if it nearly fall off. He asked me several questions and then let go of my scrub suit sleeve when my senior talked to him about something, I don't know - maybe asking of what's happened. There's also another senior already in there accompanied the doctor when I left before. This specialist than conversed with my seniors in the room - and WHOLE UNIT I think since he moderately raised his voice up and looked around outside as well - speaking in Chinese and English, telling them of what happened.

Then he faced me and pulled the end of my sleeve again, talking in the same calm tone teaching me what I should supposedly did or said to him. A minute or two has never being felt so long to me uhuh. Then of course I would have to apologize. For actually grabbing my sleeve twice, he must be very 'geram' to grab and shake my neck I guess. Haha.

Luckily he was a nice specialist and didn't easily get mad. Aiyoo. Then he examined and discussed of patient's treatment with my senior since he got some minor operations to do in a short while. I just listened all along and gave ways when he walking passed me. After all finished, he grinned and asked before he left.

"Why are you keep running away from me?"

Herk~ I was surprised by his question, and it must have really shown on my face since he giggled letting it slide away and walked out to the operation theatre. I knew there were so many eyes witnessing what had happened and felt like collapsing in anytime~

My clinical instructor and my colleague across the department called and gestured me to come to them.

"What's happened? Why was the doctor touching- touching you?" they asked. Ok, these evil creatures actually laughing at me heartily T-T Yeah I know that was actually funny, it's nothing much. Otherwise today I learnt a lot of things as well, my seniors also willingful to guide me through things especially 'after this scene' cheered up their morning too :D

I was in the changing room after my duty ended when one of my senior that I never have chance to talk to before giggled.

"You kena dengan Dr XXX tadi kan?"
"Eh how come you also know? Alamak malunyaaa"
"I lalu tadi," she said.

Guess one whole department knew then. And this thing also burst out laugh from my group during our post mortem discussion later on in the evening. They who witnessed the scene kept laughing, saying how funny to SEE and HEAR that.

"I was shock too, dahla u sensitive orang sentuh- sentuh," said my Indian clinical instructor while laughing.
"Dia kalau duduk sebelah, kena jarak 2 marhalah," said one on the male staff.
"Aku risau kalau dia libas dengan siku masa doktor tu pegang," said the another male with evil laugh.

Huu... this shocked me to death. Luckily the doctor only rationally grabbed my sleeve. (._.)>

Right on my very cranial nerves.

I have been almost 2 months here and in the meantime, I was almost never neither getting mad nor upset. There was once when I was very disappointed being downgraded from an ICU trainee to a HDU trainee, leading to a moral breakdown which then making me barely able to stay focus in every discussion for one whole week. That week test result also making me sooooooo brokenhearted. I shed tears after discussing the result with my superiors, which I was almost gonna tongue fight with one of them. She was rude at that time, and I myself was burning inside. But then my colleagues came around in class after that and encouraging me. Their caring considerations succeeded to quench my anger down.

And then today.

We had been divided into 2 teams again, to discuss the topic regarding pulmonary embolism. It’s nothing hard actually, only need some revisions. Then every member got to study their part an elaborate to the others. That’s how our discussion went as we actually also preparing for the next day main presentation as well. It was then when I suddenly realized one of my colleagues out of six was leaning back to the seat with red eyes.

I snapped.

Indeed I’m mad, but I tried to control the expression and tone. Or at least I thought I managed to do so. I threw him a simple question, asking him to state some sign and symptoms of pulmonary embolism that was JUST being explained by other colleague. “Just give me three of them,” I said solemnly. He couldn’t answer since he didn’t pay attention from the beginning of our discussion. He tried to peek at other’s note and another colleague took the note away. Then he read out from the thick revision book, the ones that were not being explained yet. But then we repeated back so that everyone understand and know why exactly every things happened. I also threw some questions to the others to see their understanding, and everyone participated in 2-ways feedback as how a discussion should be.

We HAVE to have this discussion since our superior insisted, so we should at least co-operate with each other, let aside the reluctant feeling. Me myself don’t ever like to study actually, but I cannot hate to learn. If we have to do something, JUST DO IT RIGHT AT THAT VERY MOMENT. Why bother to waste time now and making things hard to yourself by spending some time later to go through the same thing? We even have to read a lot more since our final exam would be on this very Friday, in another 3 days. So please do things smartly.

I am also mad to me myself for hardly able to suppress the anger. It was just getting on my nerves! Besides, the same thing happened in our group before and we even being scolded by the superior for not having a strategy for group discussion for leaving some members out of discussion. As if it’s not enough for the particular members not having their own initiative to learn, but even me and someone other being scolded as giving excuses. Tahap bengang bagai asid yang menghakis bintik- bintik kesabaran yang ada.

Whatever it is, this is one way to learn. Don’t do things that you hate what other’s did to you. The end.